Last night I felt fine. I went next door to catchup with friends for the new season of the Bachelor, one of my mindless guilty pleasures. I had a really nice late evening, but felt good! I came home and crashed! I woke up at 6:00 with horrible cramps and the worst headache I have ever had. I am a bit of baby, and I am no stranger to being sick and feeling like crap, but I really felt BAD. My husband is used to me being sick, but he knew this was different. He told me to go back to sleep and he got the kids out the door to school for their first day back since before Christmas.
So, hubby stayed home, my son has been in school all day, and my daughter was invited to go to Chuck E Cheese with a friend. I had a very unexpected, but much needed day of rest. I got to spend some time reading and focusing on my recovery. I got to be lazy with no guilt and watch stupid tv shows on our new bedroom TV, (a wonderful christmas gift from my in-laws). My husband even did the grocery shopping that needed done! These times are so rare. Normally it takes weeks of planning to get this kind of rest. But today, dispite the killer migraine that comes and goes, it feels like a gift!
Today is day ONE HUNDRED of this journey! Craziness! But I can honestly say that for the past one hundred days I have felt the best I have felt in years! I know that there are several reasons for that. One is just the food itself. The quality of food that I have been putting into my body has physically healed me. Very little heart burn and indegestion. I haven't felt painfully full of anything in months. I used to like that feeling (in a sick f-ed up way). If I was really full then I was "ok". I was rarely hungry because I ate constantly and I didnt' like to be hungry. Now I like to feel that I am hungry. True physical desire to eat instead of purely mental!
I have spent so much of the last five years exhausted and feeling sick. Sick from the side effects of the sugar and fast food garbage that I was eating. Sick mentally from the effects of the disease of addiction. Tired of hating myself and the way that I felt! I am so grateful that my attitude about food itself is changing and that I am slowly breaking free of this addiction. I know that need to maintain my focus and keep putting in the work. I know that I need to focus this month on getting back to regular exercise and continuing to seek help from my recovery program. So that is the plan for the next few weeks... but the plan for the remainder of day 100 is more quiet time, reflection, reading, a meeting and rest.... Who knows when I'll get this opportunity again.... could be years!
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