Chaos Is OK On This Sunday Night

While on this journey to a healthier me, I am trying to find balance in my life.  One of things that is helping me on this quest for balance, is my attempt to maintain some sort of organization, structure, and cleanliness in my home.  I am not anal retentive about it.  There is usually dust and dog hair galore, smudged windows, and crusty surfaces all over my house.  My bathrooms are rarely super clean, and there is always an unorganized drawer in every room!  BUT, I am trying my best to get up and make beds, to stay on top of laundry, to keep papers and school stuff organized, to keep the shoes and coats and backpacks together, and not to go to bed with a dirty kitchen (to name a few).

I hate waking up to a state of chaos.  So far this has worked wonderfully to avoid just that. I get to wake up and not be angry and overwhelmed.  If I start my days feeling that way than I am setting myself up for a stressful day!  I have been working on this organization and cleaning project for a few months before starting the weight loss part of my journey.

Well, while I was getting ready Friday for us to go away for the weekend, I knew that I needed to spend some extra time getting myself prepared for what was ahead of me.  So I spent more time reading, doing on-line meetings, writing, and food planning…  As a result, my organization pretty much fell apart.  The house was picked up before I left, and the laundry was clean, dishes were in the dishwasher, and the cats were fed.  BUT....  I ran out of time to finish some of the things I really wanted to get done. I barely had time to shower and rush out the door. 

When I got home a few hours ago, the kitchen was stinky.  I forgot to take out the garbage, and did not turn on the dirty dishwasher.  The laundry that was clean, was not put away, but in piles all over my bedroom and bed.  The floors were disgusting and bathrooms were repulsive.  I had to go to the grocery store to get some of the healthy food for our week and I was totally overwhelmed.  I wanted to scream!  AND my trip to the grocery store was the most tempting yet b/c I wanted to eat away my anxiety and stress!

While keeping my house organized is very important to me, I NEED to learn what really matters.   I NEED to understand that life is going to go on if my little world seems a mess.  I NEED to understand that I am not superwoman no matter how hard I try.  Instead of being angry at myself for not being able to get everything done, I need to be proud of myself for spending time ON ME before I left.  If I hadn’t prepared myself for the weekend, making sure all of my tools to stay on track were in place, I probably would not have been able to do as well as I did.   Tonight, I am accepting the chaos that is my life, going to bed and dealing with it tomorrow!