A Few Croutons WILL Kill Me

So it is Sunday night….   I am home and survived the weekend at my Parents house!  It was a nice time! The kids had a great time at the pumpkin farm and with the family.  I got a little down time and stayed strong the whole time!!!   There were some stressful moments, but I survived. I stayed on my food plan and did not eat anything that I was not supposed to.  I went for a good walk with my hubby and some of the dogs, and I did a few on-line support meetings!  And thank God I had all the tools I needed to stay strong.

Friday night I was greeted with my FAVORITE pizza ever! ( I brought a 6 inch turkey and loaded veggie sub with no dressing or cheese on wheat)   Saturday morning, I ate my oatmeal and yogurt so I was full before Trax farms.  It was a good thing too, because at the farm, I resisted funnel cakes and fried oreos! (That my family got and ate in my FACE!)  I walked passed my favorite cookies and cake and candy apples that we get every year.  I did not have one bite of the cotton candy that Gamma bought the kids!   Lunch at home was sandwiches with cheese curls and potato chips.  I brought a huge salad and ate that and a sandwich on the healthy organic bread I brought too. Then I had a nice afternoon of just catching up and hanging out with my sister, mom and cousin!   

I also have assumed the role at my parents house of planning and cooking meals when we are together…  which I was always fine with.  I thought I would be fine this time too, until it was time to think about it!  As my parents left to run some errands, my mom said, “there’s lots of fish in the fridge, we can eat that for dinner and its healthy!”  I was excited that they were willing to eat something together with me instead of having me make something unhealthy for them and eat salad and fish by myself. 

Well, my mom’s “lots of fish” turned out to be three small pieces.  And although one of my biggest tools right now has been relying on God to get me through all of this, he did not perform a miracle of multiplying loaves and fishes that night when I asked him to.  So I called my mom and she said she would stop and get something for everyone else and I could eat the fish with Grammie.  Which I was fine with…  but their dinner was tempting!  They had sloppy joes baked inside biscuit dough and smothered with cheese!  My dry overcooked cod was not so appetizing when the ooey gooey sloppy joes were on the table with it! As badly as I wanted to have just one bite, i didn't!

My family thought they were being supportive b/c they were telling me how proud they were of me, but they didn’t understand the battles that I was fighting ALL weekend long in the environment of junk and diet coke!!!  They were supportive as far as encouraging words.  But the action part is a lot harder.  In fairness I did not tell them ahead of time how hard core I was doing this!  And everyone knows that when they start a diet, everyone always has all the answers and suggestions for what might help.  “Well, you can’t cut out everything, or you will crave it too much and fail.”  You need to eat more than three meals.  “They” say you should have 5 small meals.”  “Its better to exercise in the morning.” Etc. Etc. etc.  I TOTALLY understand that they are trying to help and be supportive, but I have a plan this time.  A plan that I have spent 15 years of my life figuring out and it is working this time!  So just let me do it! 

I think my mom finally understood where I was coming from at the end of dinner on Saturday.  We were sitting at the table eating.  My mom just put croutons on her salad.  I didn’t say a word, I didn’t criticize or judge, I just picked up the bag to read the nutritional information for myself.  She said, “they are not that bad!!  A few croutons isn’t going to kill me!”  To which I responded, “no, a few croutons won’t kill me either.  BUT, if these croutons are loaded with fat and/or sugar, those things keep me fat or make me want to overeat.  If small servings of fat or sugar keep me this fat, then YES, a few croutons WILL kill me! One cheeseburger won’t kill me either, but it will make me stay this fat, and that WILL kill me!”  She didn’t say anything back, but I knew she knew what I was talking about!

So I survived a truly emotionally draining weekend.  It was not as hard as I thought it would be to resist all of those temptations, but it wasn’t easy either!  I have to say that I am proud of myself!  In the past, I would have thrown my whole “diet” out the window on a weekend like that.  But this isn’t a diet…  This is the way I am going to live my life!  If I give up on saving my life, then I quit living!  Here’s to being ALIVE!!!