Paying for a "Lazy" Tuesday

I learned this morning that even if it’s getting easier, I need to actively work on this thing EVERY day!  I need to have the support, so that I remain aware of this addiction.  Yesterday was a typical busy day, but all of the kids were very cranky, needy, and sick.  So I had much less time to work on myself.  I know that I am a busy mom of two (or more on babysitting days), and that life is going to happen.  But yesterday I could have made time for a meeting and more exercise. Last night however, I chose to lay on the couch and catch up on all the TV shows I had not watched. I thought I was pretty strong, and could take a ‘break’ from everything.  I felt good, I was tired and PMS-ing, BUT I didn’t eat anything last night! Then when I woke up this morning, the very first thing that popped into my head was, “I want to eat something bad for me!” 

WHAT?  One day of not focusing and I am paying for it!  Well, I said this was my job and I have to put my work in every day as if it were a job!  In a real work situation, you usually can’t take time off without scheduling it and planning things ahead of time.  That’s what I need to do.  I can’t just take a break because I feel lazy.  In the “real world” I could get fired… but in “my world” I could just stay this heavy and get sick!  Not worth it! 

The stinkin thinkin was starting to creep back in and starting to make me think that this is too much work.  I can’t let that happen because it isn’t too much work.  AND, when I do this work and eat right, I feel SO MUCH BETTER!!!  Why do we quit things that are good for us just to go back to destructive old habits?  Why is it comfortable to put garbage in our bodies?  Why do we dread exercise when it keeps us alive and healthy and we feel better afterwards?  Why do we doubt ourselves and what we deserve, or what we can accomplish?  If I could answer these questions, I guess I would be a millionaire!  I know I am not alone in these patterns of living.  Everywhere I look there are people living the same lifestyle that I have for years!

So I am doing my best to put and end to that lifestyle and start a new one!  Today is day 24 of this leg of my journey!  I have stuck to my eating plan and my goals for all 24 days!  I used to think about dieting with such sadness and stress.  When I would buy “healthier” snacks and “diet” by eat everything I wanted but in moderation, I still felt guilty and I didn’t understand why? I now know that I felt guilty b/c I am an addict.  My drug of choice is food.  If a recovering alcoholic walked into a bar and just had one beer, they would feel guilty!

When I first tried to learn about food addiction a few years ago, I got so overwhelmed!  I mean it’s not like drugs, alcohol, or a gambling addiction.  You can’t QUIT eating!  This time I have learned that it is not about just eating, but about the food I eat, and the relationship I have to certain foods, like sugar and fat.  It is about making a plan of what you are going to eat and doing your best to stick to that plan.  I am trying not to eat on impulse, even if it is just a juicy and delicious apple on the counter that catches my eye. If I did not think about eating it until I saw it, than I am eating it for the wrong reasons.  It is a total shift in thinking and I am making so much progress, but little relapses in that thinking happen several times a day.  I have not acted on them, but I am constantly aware of food, even though I am not hungry most of the time, food is still a part of my day all day!   It was getting easier, but the “will power” and excitement is starting to fade.  All the more reason to fill myself everyday with the energy and tools and spiritual strength I need to push through!