Headwind

My husband has many passions, many goals, many loves in life.  It is one of the things that I love most about him.  Most of his dreams have been put on hold because of the time and money that is spent on family instead.  He is a great husband and father, and loves every minute, but he never stops dreaming of his other goals.  He never complains, he just keeps learning as much as he can about these aspirations.  Some are phases that come and go, some are true life-long passions. His first love, and his biggest dream of all, is to fly.

My father-in-law is a pilot and my husband would have his license already too if it didn't involve the money and time commitment.  So whenever he gets the opportunity to fly with his dad, he goes!!! I get nervous when he climbs up into that plane!

One of the many things that baffles me about flying in their little plane, is that some days it can take only minutes to get somewhere, but twice as long to get home. They face the opposing force of the wind, known as headwind, and that little engine has to work a lot harder to get to their intended destination. 

In my own life, I often feel like doing the right thing involves facing a headwind.  Why are the things that are good for us so much harder to do?  Why is it easier to do the things that are unhealthy for our bodies? Every time that I get into the thick of one of my weight loss attempts, I feel like I am up against some sort of opposing force.  Things seem to happen that I can't explain. Things that hold me back or knock me down.  I'm convinced it happens to me more than most people, but I am sure that is not the case, and it is just life! But when I feel like nothing is going "my way," its hard to believe that everyone experiences this type of thing.

This past weekend, I had some rare time alone.  My husband was gone and my kids were having a big sleepover party with my sister-in-law.  On Saturday morning, I didn't know what to do with myself.  I had so many things that I wanted to do with my alone time, I wasn't sure where to start.  So I took a long walk with the dog first.  I got some good exercise, cleared my head, and was feeling great. I decided to suck it up and go to a big international event that my recovery program was putting on that day.

I get nervous about driving somewhere I have never been.  I get nervous about just being somewhere I have never been, especially with so many poeple that I have never met!  However, I took my time getting ready and I let my nerves and anxieties about the day go. I was feeling confident, and good about myself, and proud of myself for making the effort to go.  I got in my new car, (which makes me happy). I organized the CDs I chose for my drive, (music also makes me very happy).  I turn the key in the ignition and NOTHING, (this does not make me happy)!  This is when the headwind starts to hold me back.

So I tell myself its ok, you just need to get someone to help you jump the battery. I left myself extra time, I would still get there!  I go out front because all morning long there were dozens of guys across the street practicing for football. Surely one of these men would drive around back and rescue me! However, now there is not one car left.  They were all there 10 minutes before!

None of my neighbors were home, it was like a freakin ghost town.  I make a few calls, no one is there when I actually need them!!!  I bend over backwards for the freakin world, and when I face a little headwind, there is no one to give me a little push!  I wish I could be more like my husband, and just keep going.  Headwind or not, he doesn't get overwhelmed or angry that things hold him back. He takes the extra time to enjoy the view and just be grateful for the ride.

So long story short, I missed my meeting. I missed the opportunity to be in the same place as so many other food addicts that actually understand what it feels like to be me!  I was bummed at first, but then I just had to come to terms that it wasn't meant to be that day.  After a few hours, my neighbor came home and helped me so that I wasn't stuck all weekend.  I didn't feel very productive afterward.  I did a little Christmas shopping, stopped at the grocery store for a healthy meal, then the liquor store for some red wine :) I had a really relaxing night alone instead. Then I slept for 10 hours straight!   Maybe God knew that my little engine needed to take a break from fighting the headwind.