November 4th

November 4th...  my Birthday.  Each year I hate my birthday.  Its not that I mind getting older, age doesn't bother me.  In fact I look forward to the future.  In the future, I always see the me I want to be. In the future there is hope. In the future, the healthier, wiser me looks forward to birthday celebrations with excitement and anticipation, instead of with fear and regret.  For me November 4th is a marker of another year gone by without really living my life.  Another year of gaining weight instead of losing it.  Another year that I wish I would have had the courage and strength to make the changes in my life that needed to be made.  Another year that I have disappointed myself and others. Worst of all, its another tick in the time bomb of obesity related health issues.

This year is different!  Not drastically different because I am still in the regret and beating myself up stage sometimes.  However, I have started to make big changes in my life and I am already starting to experience the hope that I imagined for my future!  I have started to experience what life as a healthy person (who is not controlled by food) feels like.  I have had more energy, I have lost 25 lbs, I have reached out and asked for the help and support I need to survive this journey. 

Thirty two is going to be about hope and love. Love for myself.  That is the gift I am giving myself this year. I am going to be kind to myself.  I am going to take care of myself. I am going to work hard every day of this year to be the best me I can be.  I am so looking forward to November 4th, 2011, but I am going to get there by trying to live my life to its fullest one day at a time!