Slips

I can jog…  J-O-G!  Only for a few short minutes, but I haven’t been able to do that in YEARS!  So this past weekend, my husband and I took the dogs to the park and went for a great walk/jog.  It was a hard work out, I pushed myself and felt strong.  At the end of the walk we cut through some trees to get back to the car.  I stepped on a branch and somehow the way my foot slipped off the branch, something in my calf snapped. It hurt badly for like 30 seconds and then went away. 

Later that evening while trick or treating (again) with the kids, it started to feel like a huge knot in my calf.  So that has continued to hurt for the last 2 days.  Then my joints started to hurt really badly too.  This hasn’t happened in 2 months.  Then I seriously just turned my head to look at my daughter and managed to pull some muscles in my neck, shoulder and back on my left side.  While annoyed by this pain, I was trying to fix dinner for my family last night. 

I was making two whole chickens. When I bought them, I was sure I could just cut some of the breast meat off for me and use the rest of the breasts for healthy meals later in the week!  Well, my 3 year old vegetarian is throwing a temper tantrum when she finds out chicken is for dinner.  So I give in, I mean the girl has refused to eat meat for MONTHS.  While making her peanut butter “circle” sandwich, I manage to slice my finger twisting off the cap of a brand new peanut butter!  So I can’t walk, move my head and neck, or use my right hand without pain… Awesome.

So then I pull the chicken out of the oven, my husband calls to say he’s going to be late, my 3 year old is still freaking that there is even chicken on the stove, and my neck is KILLING me. Things calm down for a moment and I start to finish dinner.  Boxed stuffing that my husband and son love, and I do too, but I told myself I was strong enough not to eat it…  just like the candy.  Of which I have still had NONE by the way! 

So first I eat 2 chicken wings while standing at the counter, at least its not candy, I tell myself.  I stop my self and move on, no big deal.  Then I just take a bite of the stuffing, I had three spoonfuls before I even realized what I was doing!  I stopped, I was sick to my stomach and beating myself up for so easily going back to old habits! I was angry and frustrated and MAD!  I was very very close to eating more stuffing. To eating all the crispy chicken skin, which sounds gross to me ass I type it. 

I took a step back, I said a prayer, I got a big glass of water, and I served dinner.  I sat with my family and ate broccoli and sweet potatoes.  I wanted to eat candy all night.  I REALLY wanted it for the first time.  One slip, and a little physical pain, and I was ready to quit.  Sneaky, manipulative, screwed-up disease.  But I didn’t let it win. I made it through the night with just a cup of tea, a hot shower for the neck pain and four ibuprofen.  I hope today is a better day!