Stretched Too Thin

Today is a beautiful day.  I am really looking forward to a good weekend with my little family. I have been a bit lazy about blogging; crazy busy week again.  My daughter thinks that getting up at 5:30 is a reasonable time to start her day…  I prefer much closer to 8:00.  This is taking some major adjustments for me.  I was hoping it was a phase, but it’s been about a month of this. 

I babysat all week again, except for Thursday, which I spent at a funeral for my great aunt.  It was really nice to see some out of town family that I never get to visit with.  Makes me wish we were all closer.  It was another day of struggling with the temptations of family gatherings.  I faced my 3^rd Bethel Bakery cake since I started this, and for the third time, didn’t even have a bite! 

So my current struggle:  I hesitated for the past few weeks to really reach out to other food addicts on a face to face level.   I finally sucked it up and participated.  There were definitely benefits of the real life human interaction vs the world wide web.  I am glad that I did it, but I am struggling with one factor.  I don’t want to feel obligated or responsible to anyone else right now.  I know that sounds really bitchy!!!!!  But I feel like I am already pulled in 500 different directions as a wife, mother, babysitter, sister, daughter, caretaker and friend. 

I understand that a huge part of addiction recovery is being part of the recovering community. I also know that addiction is a disease of isolation.  I have major social anxiety issues, so is this negativity just another excuse to avoid those situations?  I mean you can never have too many friends or too much support… right?

As I have mentioned before I am a social worker and caretaker to the core of who I am.  Sometimes it is to a fault.  I hear anyone in need of help and I want to drop everything and give them my all.  But I don’t have very much to give right now.  I’m about to say something that will sound very insensitive, but I don’t mean it as bad as it sounds…  in my experience addicts are needy people, and I have had my share of needy!! 

Most of my relationships (personal and professional) to this point in my life, involve taking care of people!  I have always been the “mommy” figure, even in high school and college.  Is it stupid that I am afraid of being stretched too thin by letting more people into my life?  I’ve been hurt so many times by giving my all and getting little in return.  I don’t want to do anything that will slow or prohibit my recovery, but it is really hard to put myself all the way out there and start a whole new group of friends that I feel responsible for!  I hate feeling selfish!  Ugh!