Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Here we go again...  I think things are ok, then... Bam.  Life happens.  I have still been struggling with my motivation.  Trying to be kind to myself.  I had to once again stop, and refocus.  Saying to myself... no matter what there will ALWAYS be stress.  I need to deal with it (without using food) and move on.  The end of last week, my attitude was "hit me with your best shot."  I felt like I can handle it and keep moving. WELL... I shouldn't have put that challenge out there into the universe! 

Our weekend was one of those dreaded weekends married couples have.  The ones where we sit down to do our taxes and review where we are financially.  I thought we were doing a little better than we were.  Ok, a lot better.  My husband didn't want to worry me or cause me more stress while I have been working so hard to make these positive changes in my life...  I mean, we aren't going to lose our house at this point or anything.  BUT, after Christmas, and medical bills, and having hubby's truck fixed and inspected recently...  things were not looking great!

Enter the stress factor.  I start to think about going back to work, or babysitting more, or something... ANYTHING.  I get nervous to start babysitting for new people that I don't know.  I tend to get taken advantage of.  Largely my fault b/c I want to help people.  Last year, I was babysitting for a family that decided they didn't need me anymore.  They still owed me $100 dollars.  While talking to one of my BFF's about this hesitation to babysit again, she said, they never paid you the rest of your money, did they?  I told her no, and I never expected them to.  Its ok, they were struggling, I didn't really care and $100 dollars doesn't make or break us.

Well after this weekend, that hundred dollars makes a difference this week.  So while making dinner last night, there is a knock on my door.  It is the family that owed me money from OVER a YEAR ago.  She has a card for me and my money!  What???  REALLY??  I haven't even thought about them in months, and now right after I talked about it, they show up?!?!  I was in really good spirits.  I felt like the universe was on my side!!!  "See world, hit me with your best shot!"  Everything works out.  I kiss my husband, dance around the kitchen ready to take on the world again. 

Then my hubby leaves to take my son to CCD.  Within three minutes of them walking out the door, the phone rings...  "honey, we're ok, but I messed up the truck!"  Crash!  Crash for the truck spinning on  ice.  Crash to my mood and my optimism.  BIG FAT CRASH!!!!!!  It could have been worse...  The road they were on is dangerous.  My guys were fine.  No one was hurt!  My son was shaken up because it was really scary!  The truck lost a wheel, but no body damage.  All could have been MUCH worse. 

The police officer who came to help, drives my husband up the hill, he needs to get money to pay the tow truck.  No real words are spoken as I walk over, open the card I was so thrilled to get just 20 minutes earlier...  And hand my husband the cash!   I was left standing in the kitchen alone, feeling defeated again!