FALLING

Hi my name is Megan, and I am a compulsive overeater.  That simple sentence is very important.  Those words could save my life. Those words have significantly changed my life over the last few months.  I have chosen to ignore the impact of those words during the last two weeks.  I had survived many challenging situations until this point.  I was able to resist certain foods and constant eating.  I stopped grazing all day long.  I stopped having cravings for the sugary foods that have controlled my thoughts for years.  Then I fell and hurt my back. Then I got mad.

I lost control over my everyday world and little life around me.  I was not able to care for my family because I was in bed in pain.  I was not able to maintain the daily routine that has become my lifeline.  I was not able to shop and cook and do the things that I have been doing to take care of myself and my recovery during these past few months.  I was put on medications with the little red label which read "take with FOOD."  I mean, if the doctor and pharmacy are telling me that I HAVE to eat every two hours, its free pass right? 

I didn't make the worst food choices during my week of laying in bed and eating.  BUT I could have done things differently.  I stopped doing my meetings, my blogging, my reading, my working on me.  I could have used all of that down time to further my recovery.  Instead I took a break. 

I can't, and I'm not, beating myself up for this break.  I am ok, with the time that was my physical recovery.  It is the past 5 days that I am beating myself up for. When I started to feel better physically, I didn't get back into my routine.  I ate BAD foods.  I still haven't done meetings regularly.  I stopped my daily readings.  I gained a few pounds. My cravings and constant thoughts about food are BACK!

The important part is that I am acknowledging my "fall."  I am picking myself up, and I am going to allow myself to heal...  Just like I had to do with my back.  I feel like I am back to square one.  But I'm not.  I am armed with experience and so much more insight into this disease than I was in late September when I started this journey.  I know what I need to do....  Now I just have to do it!