Hi my name is Megan, and I am a compulsive overeater. That simple sentence is very important. Those words could save my life. Those words have significantly changed my life over the last few months. I have chosen to ignore the impact of those words during the last two weeks. I had survived many challenging situations until this point. I was able to resist certain foods and constant eating. I stopped grazing all day long. I stopped having cravings for the sugary foods that have controlled my thoughts for years. Then I fell and hurt my back. Then I got mad.
I lost control over my everyday world and little life around me. I was not able to care for my family because I was in bed in pain. I was not able to maintain the daily routine that has become my lifeline. I was not able to shop and cook and do the things that I have been doing to take care of myself and my recovery during these past few months. I was put on medications with the little red label which read "take with FOOD." I mean, if the doctor and pharmacy are telling me that I HAVE to eat every two hours, its free pass right?
I didn't make the worst food choices during my week of laying in bed and eating. BUT I could have done things differently. I stopped doing my meetings, my blogging, my reading, my working on me. I could have used all of that down time to further my recovery. Instead I took a break.
I can't, and I'm not, beating myself up for this break. I am ok, with the time that was my physical recovery. It is the past 5 days that I am beating myself up for. When I started to feel better physically, I didn't get back into my routine. I ate BAD foods. I still haven't done meetings regularly. I stopped my daily readings. I gained a few pounds. My cravings and constant thoughts about food are BACK!
The important part is that I am acknowledging my "fall." I am picking myself up, and I am going to allow myself to heal... Just like I had to do with my back. I feel like I am back to square one. But I'm not. I am armed with experience and so much more insight into this disease than I was in late September when I started this journey. I know what I need to do.... Now I just have to do it!